we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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