I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
