his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
