Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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