I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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