Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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