Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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