i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We left an ass print on the piano.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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