well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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