My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
