I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
