OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
