She's JV to your varsity
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize