i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
