All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
