how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
