margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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