Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
