If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh god it's open bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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