shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
