We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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