if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
