I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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