I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize