i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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