WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
