Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
