I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
