The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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