Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
