Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize