The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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