Me. At least after what I've been through.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
