Ambien. No doubt about it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize