You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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