They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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