The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
