we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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