there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize