In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
