I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
