You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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