i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
