my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
