Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
