is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
