I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
