I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
