I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so let's talk penis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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