Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
