not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
