my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Pooping to opera.
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