I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
