i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
