Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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