I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
