That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
