I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it because I queefed?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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