so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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