he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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