To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
