Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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