Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
