just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
