thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
