wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
