I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
