It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
