My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
