So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
