god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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