There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
