In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im holly from the hills drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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