oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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