genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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