dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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