woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
