he was CRYING into my vagina
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
