I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
