What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
