I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
