So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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