Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
