I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
