We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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