tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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