she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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