I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
