Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
