Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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