Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
