My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drake has all the answers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
