I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize