Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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