am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
