So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
